It's so hard.

That's what she said, but seriously.

It is hard. It's hard to listen to all of everyones accomplishments today. It's one of those days. The day were you feel forgotten. The day were your originial plans get canceled, then someone else makes plans with you, then cancels, then you cancel on someone else because you end up in such a shitty mood that you don't even want to leave your room, but you want more than anything for someone to come pick you up and ask you how you are. It isn't that no one asks, it's that the people you want to ask, the people you want to care, don't. So then, you're miserable. Because they are the only thing running through your mind. Over and over again you replay the good nights. The time she figured out you actually read. The time you both agreed that Edward never should have left Bella, and she should have stuck with Jake. The night you called her Bella. The night you told her about your bad dreams, and your good dreams. The times you held her hand, the days you pulled her closer, when you kissed her-in public. Yeah, those were the days that she wants to forget, but would hate if she did.

What kind of a 17 year old girl gets mixed up with a 19 year old who has a baby. Really.

I hate self control. I want to give up again. But seriously. Is it worth the hospital again? Am I willing to start over at zero after not doing it for eight months? I hate therapy. I don't want to go back. One time is never just one time. Never. You'd think it would get easier, but it doesn't. Not even close.