What is there to say.

I know I shouldn't be dating him. But it's too late now. And it's going to end terribly. I feel so empty. And I feel pathetic for saying it, but it's true.

I miss you. I'm sorry I gave up on us. I'm sorry I never think about you anymore, but I can't. Whenever I do I get an ice cold feeling in my stomach, and everything inside me twists into knots until I want to puke. I didn't know that was possible. So, I just don't think about you. But I sleep in the sweatshirt you gave me every night, and I hold Jose tight and sqeeze his paw where your recording is so I can hear your voice or I can't sleep. I can't listen to half the country songs anymore, because every single one reminds me of you. I miss you so much. I wish I could fix us. I wish you could have stayed.

I hope we have another chance. I would do anything.

1,2,3, etc.

1. I lied, I don't hate you. You just make me so angry. You're my best friend, and you're the closest I've gotten to anyone since Ashlee. I love you so much. I know I'm not showing it well at all, but I don't have any other choice. I can't just sit here and let you push me around anymore. If I do, then someday soon I will actually hate you, and I don't want that to happen. I miss you. I love you. I wish you would come back. And I wish you could keep secrets. I wish you wouldn't have moved in to my house. Everything would be different, but we'd still be friends. Gallagher told me I shouldn't let you live with me, but I didn't listen. He was right. I just want things to be different. If you wouldn't have gotten stuck behind, you would still be able to be my friend. But choices were made, and if you're really gone, then fuck. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

2. I love you too. And I wish you weren't leaving. And I wish I would wait for you. But I know I'm not going to. I allready stopped. You haven't even left yet, and I've stopped. I wish I knew what to do. I want to make the right choice. I'm going to cry for a long time. I shouldn't have pretended you didn't have to leave. I kept ignoring it, putting it off. Now I have to act as cold as ice in front of people so I don't break down. I look like a bitch, but it's easier than losing it in front of everyone who brings you up. It would be so much easier if you would just hate me. Break it off quickly, sharp and clean. But you want to be friends.

3. Why'd you have to pick now to be the time for you to let me know this. I've always liked you as a person. You were a good friend. Now everything's complicated. And he keeps getting angry, and you keep getting jealous. And I know I'm going to pick you, and not many people are going to like it. He knows too though, so maybe it's not as low.
No. It is just as low. Why am I doing this to myself. This isn't worth it. He is. You aren't.


Why can't this be easier.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

"...im a super chill person who cares more about other people than myself i always put others before me and i dont understand how people think of only themselves its rather sad...apparently now that im a mom im pretty lame sorry that i would rather take care of my son than go clubbing i dont need outside stimulation to make me happy i got all i need at home..."


Get over it. I thought you understood what I said when I told you my life was going forward so I wouldn't have alot of extra time. But if you did then you obviously wouldn't be putting shit all over Myspace about how you don't have a best friend, how you're so much better than everyone else, how you "love love love" your baby and boyfriend, how I ditched you because you were being "responsible".