Trying to convince someone not to kill themselves, and to stop cutting is tiring. Now I feel bad for all those people who were there for me. I know how they felt, when they said those things you say to people who are feeling like that.

"If you didn't die when you tried to end it, it's not your time to die."

"You've made it this far, you're strong enough to go on."

"Do you really want to hurt all those people who care about you?"

You always feel good about it after, when they tell you that you really did help. I don't remember telling anyone that, but I hope I did. If not, then that's really sucky for them, and I'd feel terrible.

The only other bad thing about it, is it's so hard to tell someone not to cut. Not to hurt themselves. When you wish soooo bad you still could. This Monday, the 19th, will be my one year mark. I'll have gone a whole fucking year without it. So why don't I feel good about that? Shouldn't I feel accomplished? Well I really, honestly don't. I don't know why. Actually, probably because I just replaced that with other things, so it's not like I really quit. I quit the action of it, but not the idea. So I kinda suck.

What do you give someone on their one year anniversary of being cut free? Scar cream?


And am I really this disappointed that I haven't talked to him today, and that he didn't call me last night, even though he said he would? Really? Patheticccc. Yes, with four c's.