My aunt told me I should be prepared to get a phone calling saying he was found dead somewhere. That's what she's waiting for.

How do you prepare yourself for that? All I could give to her in response is a shrug of my shoulders and an attempted eye roll. Then an abrubt subject change. But this probably won't be one of those things I can ignore until it no longer exists. How am I supposed to react to that? That's what I want to know. I know how I can act, and how I am acting, but not how everyone else would. I have power here. And that scares me. There's a very good chance if I got over all the shit he's done, and started talking to him again, for the first time in what...two years?, he'd probably pull it together. But maybe not. Maybe I'm doing what I should. Sitting here, and pretending I don't give a rats fucking ass about him, because all he did was donate some sperm and leave. He never thought about us, until it was too late. He didn't stop suckin' off those bottles until I ended up in the hospital. Who's to say he hasn't gone back. No one fucking knows anymore. What the FUCK.

I don't know what to do. Should I care if he dies? Because I do, alot. But only the people who read this will ever know.